Church Squirrels

There were five houses of religion in a small town:

1. The Presbyterian Church
2. The Baptist Church
3. The Methodist Church
4. The Catholic Church
5. The Jewish Synagogue

Each building was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

Be truthful with yourself

"The only lies for which we are truly punished are those we tell ourselves." V. S. Naipaul, quoted in the Wall Street Journal

Live life - don't waste it

"Too often man handles life as he does the bad weather. He whiles away the time as he waits for it to stop." Austrian journalist Alfred Polgar, quoted in the Fort Wayne, Indiana News-Sentinel

Immediate seating is available!

Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?

A goal

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

Is your marriage worth fighting for?

Tom Junod in Esquire:

 

"A fight to the finish is what finishes a marriage. That's because over the course of married life, people supply their spouses with precisely what's required to finish them off. The question is not who can win, because anyone can win if they're willing to go far enough -- if they're willing to wi...n at the cost of love and respect. The question is who can resist the temptation of winning. If your marriage is healthy, you are fighting to restore the balance of power. You are fighting to find out what's worth fighting for...and you will find out that what you are fighting for is the marriage itself. What matters most to a marriage is forgiveness, and forgiveness doesn't come free. You have to fight for it."

Noah's Ark : Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark.

ONE: Don't miss the boat.
TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!
THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark .
FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
SIX: Build your future on high ground.
SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile.
TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.