Renaissance

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luthor was nailed to the church door at Wittenburg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance.

Middle Ages

Then came the middle ages when everyone was middle-aged. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the age of Shivery with brave knights on prancing horses and beautiful women. King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. And victims of the bluebonnet plague grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

Rome

Rome came to have too many luxuries and baths. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. They took two baths in two days, and that's caused the fall of Rome. Rome was invaded by ballbearings, and is full of fallen arches today.

Roman Leaders

Julius Caesar distinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they  thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out, "Tee Hee, Brutus." Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjeccts by playing the fiddle to them.

Romans

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

Socrates

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java. The reward to the Victor was a coral wreath.

Achilles and Homer

One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad by Homer. Homer also wrote the Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Job

Later came Job, who had one trouble after another. Eventually he lost all his cattle and all his children and had to go live alone with his wife in a desert.

David and Solomon

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the Liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in  Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

Moses

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea. Thy made unleavened bread made without ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.