"When the sea was calm, all ships alike showed mastership in floating." - William Shakespeare
We learn and grow from adversity. Good times do nothing to test a person's character.
James 1:
"2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."
Romans 5:
"1 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;
4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope.
5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Marriage - Growing Together
I had heard the "cycle" before from other readings. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was the first scientific person to ask people what they were experiencing when facing death. The stages of the cycle as she published in On Death and Dying were experienced in this sequence: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. This was not new to me as I continued ready Dr. M. Scott Peck's book The Road Less Traveled and Beyond. What was new to me was this cycle being applied to a successful marriage.
He wrote "Someone in an audience once asked me whether long-term marriages go through these stages, and I said they do indeed. Initially, as differences between partners emerge, our first tendency is to try to deny those differences and to deny that we have fallen out of love. When we can no longer deny that, we get angry at our spouse for being different from us. When that eventually doesn't get us anywhere and our spouse doesn't change, we try to bargain in some manner or another - 'I'll change in this way if you'll change in that way.' When that doesn't work, then we tend to bewcome depressed and the marriage looks very doubtful. But if we can hang in there - often for a period of many years, and in the case of my marriage to Lily it was close to twenty years - we can finally learn how to accept our spouse and can come, as Lily and I have done, to a relationship that is better than romantic love and even seems to partake of glory. But many people seem to believe a marriage that experiences these stages is not a good one at all, as if long-term relationships must be totally smoot sailing. ... Indeed, despite all the ups and downs - through the death of illusions and the rebirths of trust and acceptance - that Lily and I experenced, we have emerged with a greater degree of understanding than either of us could have ever envisioned."
I don't know if I could have understood this all years ago, but, especially for those of you who have not been married nearly 42 years, that Dr. Peck's analysis is absolutely true. At any time in the "cycle" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance) many couples decide it is not worth the effort and file for a divorce. In fact, for some marriages, that is the only workable solution. BUT, if you can navigate the "cylce", the end result is incredible. Making a marriage "work", does indeed require "work".
He wrote "Someone in an audience once asked me whether long-term marriages go through these stages, and I said they do indeed. Initially, as differences between partners emerge, our first tendency is to try to deny those differences and to deny that we have fallen out of love. When we can no longer deny that, we get angry at our spouse for being different from us. When that eventually doesn't get us anywhere and our spouse doesn't change, we try to bargain in some manner or another - 'I'll change in this way if you'll change in that way.' When that doesn't work, then we tend to bewcome depressed and the marriage looks very doubtful. But if we can hang in there - often for a period of many years, and in the case of my marriage to Lily it was close to twenty years - we can finally learn how to accept our spouse and can come, as Lily and I have done, to a relationship that is better than romantic love and even seems to partake of glory. But many people seem to believe a marriage that experiences these stages is not a good one at all, as if long-term relationships must be totally smoot sailing. ... Indeed, despite all the ups and downs - through the death of illusions and the rebirths of trust and acceptance - that Lily and I experenced, we have emerged with a greater degree of understanding than either of us could have ever envisioned."
I don't know if I could have understood this all years ago, but, especially for those of you who have not been married nearly 42 years, that Dr. Peck's analysis is absolutely true. At any time in the "cycle" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance) many couples decide it is not worth the effort and file for a divorce. In fact, for some marriages, that is the only workable solution. BUT, if you can navigate the "cylce", the end result is incredible. Making a marriage "work", does indeed require "work".
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Flip Wilson
Flip Wilson in his character "Geraldine" said:
"Don't let your mouth write a check your body can't cash".
Many of you may be too young to have seen Flip Wilson in action, but he was quite funny. As with many comics, his comedic statements often had very serious points. This one is exceptionally appropriate.
The book of James addresses this quote very well.
James 1:26 If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless.
James 3:2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.
3 Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body.
4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires.
5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!
6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.
7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind.
8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God.
10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.
11 Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening?
12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.
"Don't let your mouth write a check your body can't cash".
Many of you may be too young to have seen Flip Wilson in action, but he was quite funny. As with many comics, his comedic statements often had very serious points. This one is exceptionally appropriate.
The book of James addresses this quote very well.
James 1:26 If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless.
James 3:2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.
3 Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body.
4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires.
5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!
6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.
7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind.
8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God.
10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.
11 Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening?
12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
John Colyer quote 1761
"If a boy has enough intelligence, he should consider studying for the ministry; unless when he goes to carousing, drinking and wenching, in which case, he ought to consider law."
Monday, May 10, 2010
Marriage Counseling
Ok, the title may be a bit misleading, but I didn't think of another way to say it. No, I am not a marriage counselor, but in my role as a minister as well as many years as a manager at EDS, I have been a good listener of people with marriage problems. I found a common thread through many of the stories.
As in the recent past, I turn to Dr. Scott Peck to put my experiences into words.
"I assume that Lily (his wife) should somehow be there for me whenever I wanted her, and not be there whenever her presence was inconvenient. Furthermore, I assume that she should somehow not only know which time was which but also know it wihtout my having to tell her. It was perhaps another decade before I was able to fully cure myself of that particular insanity."
Wives seem to know this, but don't always know how to deal with it. They maybe don't even know how to express it. Husbands seem to most often be completely unaware of it. I was. As Dr. Peck's experience notes, it can take years or decades to overcome this "insanity". We must work at it. And, when husbands and wives recognized these sorts of behavior, and work at them, the rewards can be incredible.
As in the recent past, I turn to Dr. Scott Peck to put my experiences into words.
"I assume that Lily (his wife) should somehow be there for me whenever I wanted her, and not be there whenever her presence was inconvenient. Furthermore, I assume that she should somehow not only know which time was which but also know it wihtout my having to tell her. It was perhaps another decade before I was able to fully cure myself of that particular insanity."
Wives seem to know this, but don't always know how to deal with it. They maybe don't even know how to express it. Husbands seem to most often be completely unaware of it. I was. As Dr. Peck's experience notes, it can take years or decades to overcome this "insanity". We must work at it. And, when husbands and wives recognized these sorts of behavior, and work at them, the rewards can be incredible.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Sydney Smith on Marriage
Sometimes reading a quote creates an "aha moment". I have had a great many of them over the past 66 years and had another today while reading a weekly news magazine. The quote was attributed to Sydney Smith, an English writer. The quote was picked up from the Fort Wayne Indiana News-Sentinel.
"Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they can't be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them."
Since I am a very visual learner, the image of a pair of shears came easy to me. Have you ever seen a pair of shears with the center pin broken or lost? No matter how sharp the blades, a pair of shears that is not joined so it cannot be separated is utterly useless.
"Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they can't be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them."
Since I am a very visual learner, the image of a pair of shears came easy to me. Have you ever seen a pair of shears with the center pin broken or lost? No matter how sharp the blades, a pair of shears that is not joined so it cannot be separated is utterly useless.
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